Is this right?? i need you to proof read this...? - milk runs for sale 2010
I know in the class and I nee to whether this letter is correct. is in 2 parts. I'll stick the other half in a minute. Note: This is not real
September 3, 2006
Frasier wife Collette
President
Milk Magnet Business
610 Francisco Boulevard
Green Meadows, New Jersey 11,383
Mrs. Frasier:
Hard-working, thoughtful and responsible are the qualities that illustrate the milk companies and their employees magnet. As shown in my resume, they are also qualities we have and hope to show how a representative with Dairy Barn.
Since the completion of Eden Prairie High School in 1999, I gained valuable experience in the stables of Fargo, North Dakota. The management and training of farm workers, sales of organic milk from the local supermarket, I was very hard to understand, the dairy industry, some of my brothers asked me if the Brotherhood milk flows in my veins.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Milk Runs For Sale 2010 Is This Right?? I Need You To Proof Read This...?
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Hmm. The all-important first sentence is very difficult. Because people and things are examples of the qualities but the qualities are not examples of people or things. You must repeat this one track. Some are more along the lines of "productivity, ingenuity and attention to the needs of consumers, the magnetic characteristics of the dairy companies and their employees. In my CV to testify, are also characteristics that I possess and hope as a representative of Dairy Barn use.
ReplyDelete(I have to "prove" twice in one, do not. You can still use the word in its place in one of mine, but only once.)
"I have worked very hard to understand the dairy industry to" sounds like it is hard for you to understand things. Go with something like: "I worked very hard to get a working knowledge of all aspects of the dairy industry to reach" or "I worked very hard to get first-hand knowledge about all aspects of getting them to the dairy industry.
I want the fileslittle about their Frat brothers for the "I often wonder if milk flows in my veins." The reason is simple. You write the letter to a woman. She does not care about their Frat brothers, rather than a male president, who care for the applicant, a company of female students. It is not important, perhaps frivolous. Is frivolous, before, after obtaining the post, not.
I can not improve in the last paragraph of Alicante, is perfect.
Very impressive. I thought everything was carefully prepared and well written. Can begin, the only part that reminded me of "you will find my resume attached and feel free to contact me, so I know when I am working in enterprises Milk magnet."
ReplyDeleteI think the wording of this sentence is a bit too greedy. I would try to "Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my CV attached and use me for employment with certain companies dairy magnet. If my qualifications meet the standards of your company, I am starting a job immediately,"
This way, you do not have to encounter, as well as confident, but it is clear that you are ready to begin work. I understand that it's just a school project but little change with this letter, strong enough to retain and include the use in the future as a model to the actual letters.
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ReplyDeleteSeptember 3, 2006
Frasier wife Collette
President
Milk Magnet Business
610 Francisco Boulevard
Green Meadows, New Jersey 11,383
Mrs. Frasier:
The qualities that are the magnets of milk and illustrate his staff: Hardworking, thoughtful, and they are responsible. Since my shoes again, they are also qualities we have and hope to show how a representative with Dairy Barn.
Since the completion of Eden Prairie High School in 1999, I gained valuable experience in the stables of Fargo, North Dakota. The management and training of farm workers, sales of organic milk to local dealers, I worked very hard to understand the dairy industry. In fact, some of my brothers, said the fraternity, when the milk flow in my veins!
In May, I joined the University of Minnesota with a Bachelor of Science in Agricultural Education. I am confident that my experience and knowledge will enable me to immediately make contributions to their companies.
If FRw my curriculum vitae attached. It is my hope that we are opportunities that I can discuss in the way of dairy magnet. I call the week of 2 April surveillance. Thank you for your attention.
Best regards,
Matthew D. Alfonso